Author Topic: Know any good jokes?  (Read 2592 times)

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Offline Raider Greg

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #36 on: March 19, 2010, 08:30:30 PM »
The JOKE "IS" JRUSS.................Wait for the punchline......When he takes his first snap in 2010 The Raiders trying to make chicken salid from "A" Chicken Shit is the real JOKE!

Offline oklandraida84

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #35 on: March 19, 2010, 07:11:45 PM »
Raidernightmare that is fuckn priceless!! Hahahaha that sounds like a bomb ass drink tho!!  ::) ;D

Offline HELLRAIDER

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #34 on: March 19, 2010, 04:51:11 PM »
I have a real good joke,  wait a minute I feel something coming on,  I need to go take a JAMARCUS and wipe my RUSSELL and then I'll tell you the joke. :D :D :D
« Last Edit: March 19, 2010, 08:15:57 PM by Randy »

Offline RAIDERNITEMARE

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #33 on: March 19, 2010, 04:27:47 PM »
A man walks into a bar he asks the bartender if he can make him a JaMarcus Russell?

BARTENDER: What's a JaMarcus Russell?

THE MAN: Its an expensive glass of cheap liquor on ice (his diamonds) that when you drink it, it will make you dumb, clueless, get knocked down easily, make you look like a king, and a wanna be superstar athlete at the bar.....and at the end of the night you will never blame your actions on the alcohol!....

BARTENDER: Coming right up...sir!
« Last Edit: March 19, 2010, 08:17:49 PM by Randy »
Heaven doesn't want me..... and Hell is afraid I might take over. " RAIDER FOR LIFE!"

Raiderfanuntildeath

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #32 on: March 19, 2010, 12:21:52 AM »
Toyota has officially changed their slogan from "I Love What You Do For Me!" to -

"THERE'S NO STOPPING US NOW"  ;D


Raiderfanuntildeath

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #31 on: January 03, 2010, 10:18:12 PM »
The president of the local non-profit charity that houses battered women recently found himself with more battered women than available shelters.  He pondered where he could house these women and childeren in need.  He decided he would ask Al Davis if he could house these women of spousal abuse inside the Oakland Coliseum with the Raiders...Mr. Davis told him he would give him an answer in about one week.

When the media caught wind of this, they questioned the president of this charity...they asked, Why of all places?...the Coliseum?...The Raiders?

...and he replied, "I chose the Raiders because they don't beat anyone" :D

Raider Jake

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #30 on: July 05, 2009, 11:54:06 PM »
The BroncaHOES next season  thats a joke   lol

Offline NEBRASKARAIDER

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #29 on: July 05, 2009, 11:51:39 PM »
Immediately after Farah Fawcett died she found herself standing in front of God in Heaven. 

God tells her, "Usually when one of My children are stricken with cancer, they usually get one wish granted by the Make a Wish Foundation.  Since you were considered a "celebrity", the Make a Wish Foundation did not reach out to you...which I did not think that was fair. So I will grant you one wish, anything you want."

Farah Fawcett says, "One wish...anything I want?"  She then says, "OK, I want all the children in the whole world to be safe."

God then grants her wish by killing Michael Jackson.

That is FUCKED UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go Raiders!!!!!
"I Will Strike Down Upon Thee With Great Vengeance & Furious Anger Those Who Attempt To Destroy My Brothers & Sisters ...... & You Will Know I Am A RAIDER When I Lay My Vengeance Upon Thee."

Raiderfanuntildeath

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #28 on: July 05, 2009, 10:39:38 PM »
Immediately after Farah Fawcett died she found herself standing in front of God in Heaven. 

God tells her, "Usually when one of My children are stricken with cancer, they usually get one wish granted by the Make a Wish Foundation.  Since you were considered a "celebrity", the Make a Wish Foundation did not reach out to you...which I did not think that was fair. So I will grant you one wish, anything you want."

Farah Fawcett says, "One wish...anything I want?"  She then says, "OK, I want all the children in the whole world to be safe."

God then grants her wish by killing Michael Jackson.

Raiderfanuntildeath

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #27 on: April 11, 2009, 09:30:17 PM »
A nurse starts her first day at her new job...she walks into a room and finds one of the patients masturbating.  She runs and tells the Doctor what she saw and the Doctor said, "Don worry about him, he's got this rare condition where his testicles make too much semen and if he doesn't release a load at least twice an hour it becomes very painful." 

The nurse continues on with her day, and walks into the next room and finds another nurse giving a blow job to a patient.  She runs to the Doctor and reports what she saw and the Doctor said "Oh, that patient has the same rare condition as the one you caught masturbating, except he has a better medical plan."  ;D

raidersully

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #26 on: February 23, 2009, 07:56:04 PM »
A kids says, "pop, what's a vagina look like?"
His father says,"Son, before sex a vagina looks like a rose with pink velvety petals and the aroma of perfume."
The kid says,"What about after sex?"
His father says""HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A BULLDOG EATING MAYONNAISE?"
« Last Edit: April 23, 2009, 07:42:55 PM by Randy »

Raiderfanuntildeath

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #25 on: February 23, 2009, 07:43:50 PM »
What's black and comes in little white cans?

Michael Jackson.

raidersully

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #24 on: February 23, 2009, 10:45:48 AM »
sully on fire....


What's better than winning the gold in special olympics??

Not being retarded.
If that joke is wrong than I don't want to be right. That joke might land you in hell Chris but I'll be laughing next to you the whole time. Funny shit!!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

colorado.chris

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #23 on: February 23, 2009, 09:33:09 AM »
sully on fire....


What's better than winning the gold in special olympics??

Not being retarded.

Raiderfanuntildeath

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #22 on: February 22, 2009, 11:36:18 PM »
The most common questions asked by people with the following college degrees:

Engineering - How does this work?

Scientist - Why does this work?

Historian - What time period is this from?

Business degree - How can I turn a profit from this?

Communications degree - DO YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?

raidersully

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #21 on: February 22, 2009, 11:34:48 PM »
What's the difference between spit and swallow?
ABOUT 40 POUNDS OF PRESSURE ON THE BACK OF A GIRL'S HEAD
« Last Edit: April 23, 2009, 07:44:34 PM by Randy »

raidersully

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #20 on: February 22, 2009, 11:33:03 PM »
What's the difference between mayonnaise and sperm?
MAYONNAISE DOESN'T HIT THE BACK OF A GIRL'S THROAT AT THIRY MILES AN HOUR

Raiderfanuntildeath

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #19 on: February 22, 2009, 11:28:49 PM »
A farmer goes to a lawyer and says, "I want a divorce from my wife because she's been cheating on me, and all I want is to keep my tractor...she can have the rest."

The lawyer says, "I think you have a case."

The farmer says, "No! Its a John Deere!"
« Last Edit: April 23, 2009, 07:47:45 PM by Randy »

raidersully

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #18 on: February 22, 2009, 11:24:31 PM »
What does it mean when two lesbians fuck?
IT DOESN'T MEAN DICK
                                                                                                                                                                                                           
« Last Edit: February 23, 2009, 01:52:23 AM by Randy »

Raiderfanuntildeath

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #17 on: February 22, 2009, 11:19:00 PM »
What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?

WELL HUNG!

raidersully

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #16 on: February 16, 2009, 10:39:23 PM »
The director of the CIA is testing three new agents ages 25, 35,and 45. He puts each of their wives in one of three rooms.

He hands the 25 year old a revolver and says, "Go into the room and kill your wife"
The 25 year old says, "I can't do it . I love her too much."
The director hands the gun to the 35 year old guy and says, "Go into the room and kill your wife."
The 35 year old goes in the room comes out five minutes later and says, "I cant. I love her too much."
The director hands the gun to the 45 year old and says, "Go into the room and kill your wife."
The 45 year old goes into the room. Three shots ring out, and then there's the sound of fighting. 

The director runs into the room and sees the wife dead on the floor.
He says, "What happened?"
The 45 year old says, "SOME ASSHOLE PUT BLANKS IN THE GUN SO I HAD TO CHOKE HER TO DEATH."
« Last Edit: February 17, 2009, 11:11:25 AM by Randy »

raidersully

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #15 on: February 16, 2009, 09:49:02 PM »
What's the difference between an irish wedding and as irish wake.......... ONE LESS DRUNK!!!!!

raidersully

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #14 on: February 16, 2009, 09:45:21 PM »
Where do polish people keep their armies..........IN THEIR SLEEVIES!

raidersully

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #13 on: February 16, 2009, 09:40:02 PM »
why don' t the 49ers cheerleaders wear skirts.......... BECAUSE THEIR BALLS KEEP FALLING OUT


Raiderfanuntildeath

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #12 on: February 16, 2009, 07:16:02 PM »
A Buddist Monk walks up to the guy at the hot dog stand and says "Make me one with everything"

...da dum ch...

Navy Rob

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #11 on: February 14, 2009, 12:01:37 AM »
Al Davis!

Raiderfanuntildeath

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #10 on: February 13, 2009, 09:45:49 PM »
Did you hear when Obama was elected that all of the American women shaved off all of their pubic hair?

Because NO MORE BUSH!
« Last Edit: April 23, 2009, 07:47:05 PM by Randy »

Offline oklandraida84

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #9 on: February 13, 2009, 01:02:18 AM »
press conference of President Bush

reporters:Mr President its been over a year now what do you plan to do about Katrina

Bush:were gonna find her! THATS RIGHT! were gonna bring Katrina to justice! we have every reason to believe that katrina is linked to Al Kaeda, KATRINGA AL KAEDA THEY BOTH START WITH A K!

raidersully

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #8 on: February 13, 2009, 12:02:39 AM »
2 women are at the vet. the first says "My cat claws up everything in the house so I'm getting him declawed." The second says "Every time I bend over, my dog jumps on my back and humps away." The first lady says, "Oh, so you're here to get him fixed?" She replies, "NO I'M HERE TO GET HIM DECLAWED TOO."
« Last Edit: February 17, 2009, 11:05:49 AM by Randy »

Raiderfanuntildeath

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #7 on: February 12, 2009, 11:57:38 PM »
A woman goes to the gynacologist because she wants to give up her virginity to her boyfriend. She has several questions for the doctor.  She's done everything except go all the way and she needs some things clarified.

She asks, "What is the mushroom tip thing on his penis?"  The doctor replies "Oh, that is the head of the penis, this is the most sensitive part of the male organ."

Next she asks, "Well, what do you call the rest of the penis, other than the head?"  The doctor replies, "That's the shaft.  That is the part of the penis that will take most of the impact."

Last she asks, "What do you call those 2 big round hairy things that are about 12 inches back from the head of the penis?"  The doctor said, "12 inches? Well, I cant speak for your boyfriend but for me they are called the cheeks of my ass!"

I gotta give credit to RaiderSully for this one...I stole it from him.

raidersully

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #6 on: February 12, 2009, 11:55:02 PM »
A women goes to her gynecologist. She tells him that she is getting married to a guy who thinks she is a virgin but she has been around the block a few times. She asks him if there is any way she could give him the impression that he popped her cherry. The doctor say "Heres what you do the night of the wedding. Take a rubber band and put it at the top of your thigh, and when he sticks it in the first time, snap the rubber band and yell that he popped your cherry."

Sounds good to her, so she gets the rubber band on the night of their wedding. Her husband takes off her clothes, lays her on the bed, and just as he sticks it in she snaps the rubber band and screams, "Oh yea, you popped my cherry!!!!" HE SAYS, "WELL WE BETTER POP IT AGAIN, IT'S GOT A HOLD OF ONE OF MY BALLS!!!!!!!"
« Last Edit: February 17, 2009, 11:08:43 AM by Randy »

Raiderfanuntildeath

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2009, 11:40:32 PM »
A woman goes to the gynacologist because she wants to give up her virginity to her boyfriend. She has several questions for the doctor.  She's done everything except go all the way and she needs some things clarified.

She asks, "What is the mushroom tip thing on his penis?"  The doctor replies "Oh, that is the head of the penis, this is the most sensitive part of the male organ."

Next she asks, "Well, what do you call the rest of the penis, other than the head?"  The doctor replies, "That's the shaft.  That is the part of the penis that will take most of the impact."

Last she asks, "What do you call those 2 big round hairy things that are about 12 inches back from the head of the penis?"  The doctor said, "12 inches? Well, i cant speak for your boyfriend but for me they are called the cheeks of my ass!"

raidersully

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2009, 11:30:14 PM »
Man goes to whore house. He explains to the madame that he had been married to the same women for 35 years and she had just died. He tells her that in 35 years of marriage the only position they ever did was missionary and he was here to try something new. The madame said no problem she called for Lisa and told her to give the old 69. When he hears this he gets excited. Lisa leeds him to the bed room takes off his clothes lays him on the bed and gets on top in the 69 position. She gets started and 2 seconds later she rips a huge fart right in his face. He quickly gets up and starts to put on his clothes. Lisa asks "where are you going " and he replies "I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN TAKE 68 MORE OF THOSE"

Raiderfanuntildeath

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #3 on: February 12, 2009, 11:09:49 PM »
A man walks into a whore house and says "gimme the freakiest girl you got", and he is told that he will see "Hurricane Henrietta".  He is instructed to go to the room and take off his clothes and Henrietta will be there shortly.

He undresses and waits in the bed and a few minutes later...BOOM!...the door gets kicked open and this huge 350lb woman named Henrietta comes in fully naked and climbs on top of him and starts beating him in the face with here giant boobs.  He asks what the hell is that supposed to be?  She replies "Those are the coconuts falling from the trees...because of the Hurricane."

Next, she flips around and putting her ass in his face and lets out this huge fart.  And she says "That is the warm wind...caused by the Hurricane."

Finally, she raises up her ass and pisses all over his chest.  She says, "That is the warm rain...caused by the Hurricane."

The man pushes Henrietta off and gets dressed and says THATS IT! She asks "Whats the problem?"

He replied "WHO THE HELL CAN FUCK IN WEATHER LIKE THIS!!!!"

Raiderfanuntildeath

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Re: Know any good jokes?
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2009, 10:55:14 PM »
Two blondes are walking along and one of em said "Hey look at these bear tracks" and the other one said "No, those arent bear tracks, they are coyote tracks".  They argued back and forth for the next ten minutes about what kind of tracks they were until the train ran them both over.

Raiderfanuntildeath

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Know any good jokes?
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2009, 10:05:37 PM »
Many years from now Brett Farve dies.  As St. Peter lets Brett in through the pearly gates, he notices a huge mansion with a giant Raider sheild on the roof and several Raider flags flying througout.

Brett tells St. Peter, "I'm a Hall of Fame QB, a league MVP, won a Superbowl, hold several NFL records, and I am absolutely adored by the NFL.  Why is Tim Brown's house bigger than mine?"

St. Peter replies "Tim Brown does not live there. God does."


...let me hear your jokes Nation